Always You Read online

  “Babe, dinner’s ready.” The screen opens and Will stands there, gawking at my nakedness the same way he did when he saw me like this at seventeen.

  My Will. My life. My forever.

  “Okay, honey,” I reply when his eyes finally reach mine. The whirls of sapphire and light blues are always so pretty to stare at. His eyes won me from our very first glance—well, that’s not true, but they won me in the end.

  Will’s hand outstretches, causing the water spray to become interrupted as it runs over his hand and drips from his elbow. His fingers connect at my shoulder before he removes them.

  “What are you doing?” I giggle.

  “You had a hair stuck to you.”

  “Mine or yours?”

  “Yours, silly. It’s long and brown, not short and blond like mine, see?” He holds it up like a trophy, causing me to stretch my eyebrows upwards.

  “Yes, so it is.”

  “Stop bug-eyeing me with those big browns and hurry up before our dinner gets cold. This chef has been busy cooking you a feast.”

  “A feast...well, I like the sound of that. Thanks, hon. I’m getting out now.”

  His lips pucker before he pecks quickly at my lips. “So wet.” He chuckles before he closes the screen and I’m alone again.

  Towelling off, I try to shake away my confusion and the fog weighing my mind down as I slip into the clothes I laid out on the bed. It’s not working.

  Everything is blurred.

  “This looks delicious, Willard.” I half-heartedly smile as I sit down at our sweet table for four, the only one we could afford after spending all our savings on a down payment for this apartment.

  “See. Willard will only ever be sexy if it is spoken from your lips, May.”

  “Willard,” I speak his name with my most seductive voice.

  “Yes. Do it again.”

  I smirk. “I guess it’s as sexy as Maybelline spoken from your tongue.”

  “Maybelline.” He draws out each syllable, saying them slowly.

  “Why our parents gave us weird names is beyond me.”

  “We won’t be doing that when our little bubba comes along.”

  My stomach drops and my appetite instantly vanishes. Our baby, the one we’ve been trying for, for the last four months. Am I even allowed to keep trying to have a baby now?

  “What’s wrong, babe?” Will must sense my sudden panic.

  “Nothing.” I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to make the abrupt ache in my chest disappear.

  “You looked stunned. What’s wrong?” Worry is etched on his face when I reopen my eyes and he stands from his chair.

  “No, I’m not, I’m—”

  “You tired, babe?” Will’s fingers kneed both my shoulder blades, releasing the tension.

  “Very.” I fake the sound of yawning.

  “Oh, diddums, did all that shopping you did today take it out of you, hey?” Sarcasm fills his tone.

  Shit, shopping. That’s where I told him I was going, yet I didn’t bring anything home with me. Cover blown.

  “Ummm…no, I went into work instead. I didn’t feel like shopping today.”

  “You went into work on a bonus day off? Now, that’s dedication for you. Here, let me...” Will grabs the knife and fork from my hands before cutting my hunk of steak into bite size pieces.

  “Always a gentleman.”

  “You deserve only the best, Maybelline.”

  I love Will.

  When dinner is finished, I’m taken by the hand and led straight into our bedroom. The crisp white covers are made neatly on the bed. No creases, just the way I like it. Will pulls back the blanket and sheet, ordering me under them pronto. He takes the remote from the bedside cupboard and turns on the air conditioning unit.

  “Sleep, babe, okay? I’ll do the dishes tonight.” His lips press against mine and the smell of his rustic cologne gives me a sense of safety.

  I’ve nothing to worry about—nobody would ever take me away from Will. It’s not what’s written in our stars—we’re going to grow old together and have a bunch of kids, who have a bunch of grandkids, who have a bunch of great grandkids. This is how our story will play out. I’m not sick. I’m healthy.

  “I love you, May.” He snaps me back into reality.

  “I know you do. I love you too.”

  With a sweet smile stretching his lips, Will heads for the open doorway.

  “Will, honey, can you grab my phone, please? It’s in my bag,” I ask before he takes a final step out of the room.

  “Okay, but you need to sleep, not too much social media surfing.”

  “Aye aye, captain.” I salute, rolling my eyes.

  When Will is no longer in sight, I remember Doctor Brown giving me a document before I left, which I mindlessly slipped into the very bag Will is about to go poking through in search of my phone. Leaping out from the covers, my right leg jars on impact with the ground, causing a searing pain to burn through it. I hobble and call out at the same time, “Will, come here, I need you.”

  There’s no reply.

  “Will, come here. I need you, please.”

  In a split second he stands at my feet in the hallway. “What’s wrong? I was about to grab your phone like you asked.”

  “Will, I need you.” I wiggle my eyebrows up and down and try to ignore the growing intensity of the pain.

  Diversion.

  His eyebrows furrow and then a small smile creeps across his lips. “Oh, you need me, need me. Well, this I can help you with.” His eyes gleam with a youthful innocence as he scoops me up into his strong arms. I’m carried from the hallway to the bedroom and placed gently against the mattress as he hovers above me. Kissing my neck, he groans against it, “You’re beautiful, May.”

  “I love you, Will,” I breathe before ripping his shirt over his head and tracing my fingers against his built, yet slender torso.

  He takes my mouth with passion. I’ve only ever known this type of passion with one man…Willard, and I melt into his body like I have for most of my life.

  The alarm blares its normal irritating sound, causing me to roll over and press the snooze button. Closing my eyes, I manage to slip straight back into my previous deep sleep.

  “Baby, you need to get up now and get ready for work,” Will whispers against my cheek, causing me to growl in response.

  “Do I have to?”

  “Yes, you have to. May, you’re going to have to be less growly in the morning if we are going to have a baby soon. Two more days to go until we know if we are and we test, right?”

  “Yes.” I giggle before a bucket of worry pours heavily into my stomach once more and everything from the day before floods back like a torrential downpour.

  What if I am pregnant?

  What if it is cancer and they’re not wrong?

  “Don’t get your hopes up, okay? It’s only been four months and the other three months didn’t work, so—”

  “No. I know there’s a baby in this beautiful belly.” Will’s hand snakes its way up under my shirt and gently rubs small circles against my lower belly. “I know you’re in there. I brought my ‘A’ game this time.” He has pure belief.

  “Will. Don’t get your hopes up.” These words are forced like sludge from a drain out of my mouth.

  Slipping his head under the blankets, Will scurries down my side. The bottom of my shirt tugs upwards before soft lips land in a feather-light kiss just under my belly button. “Daddy has to go to work now. Grow, little one,” he whispers for our ears only.

  If only Will knew how confusing this will all be if I am.

  Making my way through heavy morning traffic gives me too much time to think. Thinking is not good for me right now. Today, I’ve been asked to bring someone with me to see Doctor Brown. I can’t take Will. He’s not ready for this. Plus, if they are wrong, it’s unnecessary worry he does not need to carry. I can’t take my mother because she will probably have a goddamn heart attack in the chair. Dad, well, Dad’s u
sually strong and rational, but will he be those things if given horrible news about his daughter? Then there’s Lexi, my big sister, but she’s in Paris, so I can’t exactly ask her. That leaves Gem, my best pal and my work colleague. It dawns on me, no matter whom I take, it’s going to suck.

  Laying my bag on the desk in my office, I hear a soft vibration. Slipping my fingers into a pocket at the front, I retrieve my mobile phone and enter my password, unlocking the screen.

  Will: Babe, I have a client meeting tonight, so I’m going to be home late. I forgot to tell you this morning. If you don’t feel like cooking, we’ll eat dinner out. Just let me know so I can make a reservation.

  I reply without hesitation.

  Me: No, that’s okay. I’ll cook and put a plate in the oven for you. Hope it goes well, my fancy accountant husband. Love you.

  He replies immediately.

  Will: I love you too, my beautiful account keeping wife.

  Turning on my computer, I nestle into my chair and begin the day by entering a pile of invoices that never seems to completely disappear. Every morning at nine a.m., Gem bounces into my office with a large takeaway coffee for the both of us, and a wide smile. Looking at the clock on the tool bar of my computer, I realise I have five minutes until she arrives. Taking a large inhale, I spin my chair so I’m facing the doorway, and the anticipation is killing me in a matter of seconds. Five minutes seem to drag on for hours. Maybe it’s because I’ve never waited for Gem like this before and normally she sneak attacks me. Or maybe it’s the news I’m about to give her weighing on my mind. Forcing a big smile, like her life will depend on seeing such a display, I continue the wait while drumming my fingers against my knee.

  “Good morning, sunshine.” She chortles as she scurries through the doorway. “One mocha for my favourite girl.” Gem startles backwards as soon as our eyes connect. I know I’m staring blankly in a dream like state.

  “Good morning, bestie. Hand over my coffee,” I demand robotically. All emotion is missing—I am missing.

  “May, what gives? Why do you look like that? What’s wrong?” Gem’s body seems to stumble as she falls into a seat beside me. “May, what’s wrong?” Her skin pales, her chest heaves. Gem already knows I’m about to drop a bomb on her, leaving a huge crater in her heart…her dark eyes widen and her tensed expression tells me so.

  Taking the two coffees from Gem, I place them on the desk before my hands fall against her thighs. Leaning in, I whisper, “I have to talk to you. What I’m about to say does not leave this room, okay?”

  She bobs her head, still wide-eyed and with an expression I can only relate to as one screaming, ‘I’m fucking petrified.’

  “My doctor got my results back from those tests I did last week. I know I didn’t tell you they were back, Gem, I’m sorry. But Doctor Grause sent me to this other clinic so I could see a more specialised doctor. I went there yesterday.”

  Gem’s mouth drops open before she snaps her jaw shut and then parts her lips as if she plans to speak.

  “Sssh. Don’t talk.” I shake my head and when I do her lips seal. “Gem, I need you to come to an appointment with me at his clinic today. It’s at eleven a.m. in the city. We will take our lunch break together then.”

  She nods, her lips now pinched tightly together.

  “Gem, hold my arms.”

  She does without hesitation.

  “Look at me.”

  Her dark brown eyes stare into mine. They glisten with moisture like her body already knows she is going to cry.

  “I…I…gosh, I…” I stutter. Saying this out loud is harder than I thought it could be.

  “You what?” Her bottom lip begins to quiver as her hands clutch my arms like I’m the only thing stopping her from falling off the edge of a cliff.

  “I have cancer, Gem.”

  Perfectly shaped droplets slide down her cheeks. She doesn’t break her gaze or blink as she looks deep within me.

  “I saw the doctor yesterday like I just said, and he wanted me to come back today and bring someone with me. I need you to come with me. Can you come with me?” My throat constricts tighter with every passing second of silence.

  Gem only nods.

  “Good.”

  Her fingertips, which are now digging into my wrists, release as she pushes the chair away from mine with her feet. “Are you going to die?” she whispers so softly I only just hear her.

  “I don’t know.” I suck my bottom lip into my mouth to stop the sudden onset of my own quivering.

  “How bad is it?” She slumps her shoulders, right before her head follows.

  “I don’t know. I’m hoping they’ve made a big mistake.”

  “Do they? Make mistakes?”

  “I think they do sometimes.”

  “Okay,” she mumbles, standing. Pulling the hair tie out of her shoulder-length mousey brown hair, she slips it onto her wrist. “Okay,” she mumbles again, leaving my office on what appear to be shaky feet.

  “Gem,” I call after her.

  “I can’t right now.” The sound of sobbing follows as she hurries towards the amenities.

  I freeze while watching her. I should follow. No, I need to leave it and let her digest this news first. Wiping softly against my cheeks, I realise they are damp. I guess I was crying too.

  The drive to the clinic is eerily quiet as Gem keeps her eyes firm to the road. The only sounds I can hear are those of traffic. I don’t know what to say to Gem—I didn’t see her again until ten-thirty a.m. I guess she knows me well enough to leave me be as much as I knew to allow her space.

  “Are you going to say anything?” she finally mutters, her eyes still fixed to the road.

  “What would you like me to say?”

  “That you don’t have cancer would be a fantastic start.”

  “Fine. I don’t have cancer. This was an elaborate plot to ensure your love for me is pure and true.”

  “You’re not funny.” She frowns when she twists her head in my direction.

  “I’m very funny. And you know it. I’ve always been the funny one, even during primary school. You were there, so you be the judge.”

  “Does Will know?”

  “Nope.” My fingers twist together awkwardly, my go-to nervous habit.

  “Why not?”

  “Because…well, because.” I sigh.

  “That’s good enough for me.” Gem and I have been friends for most of our lives, since we were only nine years old, and we know when to and when not to push each other. “What’s the doctor like?”

  “He’s nice. His name is Doctor Brown. Good bedside manner. Kind.”

  “He’s going to fix you up good and proper, right?” I can hear strained hope in her tone.

  “Yep. That’s in his job title.” Well, God, I hope he can.

  “Good.”

  We get a parking spot right out front and as I press my heel to the ground on exiting the car, my leg begins the all too familiar ache I’ve been experiencing. I grimace from this raw intrusion.

  “It’s in your leg, yeah?”

  “Yep. And my knee and my arm, so he tells me.”

  Gem turns on her heel and offers her famous scary death stare. “What?”

  “You heard me. Here, take my arm, my leg hurts.”

  “Your arse is about to hurt in a minute. Hell, May, why didn’t you go to the doctor sooner? I told you to go months ago.”

  “Because I thought it was a pulled muscle. Why would I think it to be anything else?”

  “Well, weren’t you terribly wrong? I’m so mad at you right now.” Her teeth clamp down tight. I know this because her jaw flinches from the tension.

  “I know.” I sigh.

  With arms interlocked we make our way to the door that houses those sterile walls and the smell of latex and disinfectant. This time I’m not alone. This time I have my Gem.

  Grabbing the metal handle, I push and for the first time my arm twinges with an unfamiliar pain. Holy crap, they were my film
s. My head begins to spin and panic creeps up on me like a stalker hunting to catch prey. “I can’t do this.” I shift quickly to flee.

  “You’re doing this.” A small push to the arch of my back has me stumbling into Doctor Brown’s reception area. The same lady from yesterday waits behind the counter as we approach.

  “May Connors…I’m here…sorry, I’m here to see Doctor Brown,” I stutter.

  “Good morning, May. Take a seat. It won’t be long.”

  “Okay.”

  Gem places her hand on my thigh after we are seated. Right over my apparent diseased bone and strokes back and forward continuously. It keeps me calm.

  “Look at this dirty cow.” She giggles, flashing a page of a magazine she was reading, in front of my face.

  “Wow!” I really shouldn’t be shocked, yet I am.

  “Some girls will do anything for attention, even rich ones.”

  “Yeah,” I agree, looking at some skin and bones bimbo who is flaunting way too much of herself in front of what I assume to be a hungry pack of paparazzi.

  “May Connors. The doctor will see you now.” The lady behind the counter with those dark pink stained lips looks at me with subtle sadness in her gaze.

  Does she know I’m sick?

  “Thank you.” I find myself now hobbling through yet another door with Gem hot on my heels.

  “Hello, May, how are you feeling today?” Doctor Brown’s soft tone questions as I enter.

  “My leg is sore,” I confess.

  “I know,” he replies swiftly.

  “I’m Gemma Stone. I’m May’s best friend. So, what the fuck is wrong with her?” Gem’s forward take no shit line of questioning should have been expected. I never took this into consideration when asking her to come.

  “I like you.” Doctor Brown chuckles before his outstretched hand takes Gem’s in a handshake.

  “I’m not sure if I like you yet,” she asserts with honesty. “How do you plan to fix May up?”